Norwich Sex Industry Killing Off Local Bird Population.

News, Strange

Over the past few months hundreds of birds have been found dead in the Ber Street, King Street and Rosary Road areas of Norwich.

These are red light areas, where sex workers and their clients frequent and engage in illicit activity. The birds, which mainly include pigeons, crows and seagulls, have found a new delicacy, but it unfortunately lies at the end of a slimy latex tunnel of death, a used condom.

Suffocated bird corpses with condoms stuck on their heads have been found scattered across these areas, which include homes and businesses. Birds have even been seen walking and flying around aimlessly with condoms attached, either dying from lack of oxygen or flying into walls. “I’ve even seen a flying glow-in-the-dark novelty one!”, said a local business owner.

One of many unfortunate pigeons.

Ejaculation expert Professor Anita Fullode-Inmamouf, “Human semen contains over 200 proteins and many vitamins and minerals including vitamin C, calcium, vitamin B12 and zinc. The birds are either eating it because it is nutritious or they simply just like the taste.”

Local residents and business owners have reported that this is now becoming a major problem as the increase of bird condom deaths is rising significantly.

The RSPB have started patrolling the problem areas every morning, pulling bird’s heads out of condoms and clearing up potential risks. But they are too late to for some, explains RSPB officer Jack Wonoff, “We start work at 8am but this is unfortunately too late for some birds. Birds are early risers, how does the saying go? The early bird catches the sperm, er, sorry, worm.”

To attempt to stop the problem, local residents are taking the matter into their own hands, literally. To stop the birds getting their heads stuck while trying to reach their favourite food, residents are trying to make the food more accessible.

Wayne King has bought a bird feeder and has placed it in a high activity area. He makes his own fat balls which are laced with the ‘special ingredient’ which the birds crave.

Wayne, proud of his fat balls, said, “The ‘special ingredient’ is handmade by me every morning. It helps to save the birds and it keeps me light on my feet!”

Some of the ingredients and tools Wayne uses to make his balls.

Mary who lives nearby, has also been trying to save the birds by making some special feed. She said, “Obviously I can’t produce my own ‘special ingredient’ but Sarah next door has a teenage son and she says that he’s producing it everyday anyway. It’s now being put to good use.”

Sex workers have been made aware of the issue. They have been asked to try and make sure all condoms are disposed of responsibly or at least have a knot tied in the end.

Some sex workers have started wearing badges to show that they are bird friendly, with an aim not to lose wildlife conscientious customers.

Sex workers are starting to support the cause.

If you are a customer, or know someone who is, of the local sex worker industry, please do not refrain from using condoms, just make sure they are disposed of correctly. Special bins are going to be installed at these locations.

Please share to warn people about this issue and to encourage possible volunteers to help patrol the areas to save the birds.

 

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